Daddy Dilemmas is pleased to present its first guest writer, Mihiri Udabage.
Mihiri and her family have been great friends of ours for the past 10 years. Mihiri sent through a piece she penned a few years ago, but the story is too good not to share!
She currently operates her own small business, Generation Wonder. Generation Wonder specialises in organic, eco-friendly, fairtrade items and gifts for children. Visit her fantastic online store at http://www.generationwonder.com.au/
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When D.A.D is Bad.
Mother of two, Mihiri Udabage, explains the new meaning of DAD.
We’ve coined a new phrase in our house. It’s called ‘Doing a Dad’. I doubt very much it’s original since on reflection most dads I know have ‘done a dad’ at some point or other. And before you go thinking about odd sexual encounters with or between dads, let me clarify.
Doing a Dad (D.A.D) refers to an act, be it spoken, written or physical, carried out by the father of your children, who is also sometimes your husband (unfortunately, at these times only), such that it humiliates you and your children in a public and most embarrassing manner. It is a phenomenon that oddly manifests itself only on occasions where it is very important to you (wife, partner and mother) that your family is perceived to be of good calibre. It is also recognisable by the roll of the eyes and mutterance of the mother, as in, “Oh no, he’s done a dad.”
This is a condition difficult to diagnose for the first time parent, but instantly recognisable by those of us weathered by more than one season of pregnancy. Yes, that’s all the time it takes for the D.A.D condition to become symptomatic, for those destined to be severely afflicted.
Case in point: - the first time my husband Did a Dad was in our obstetrician’s office. I was keen for him to attend, and to his credit he did make each and every 5 minute appointment we were allocated. As a first-time expectant parent, I was over-read, over-advised, and over-googled about the whole deal. Naturally, I wanted to make a good impression on our doctor and hopefully impress him with my knowledge and sound preparation such that he would forever remember me as a whole and intelligent person, and not just a vessel carrying his pay cheque.
Each five minute appointment was efficiently routine. He’d ask me how I was. I’d say, fine thank you. Any questions? Not today thank you. Any concerns? No, I’m good. Hop on the scales. Hop on the bed. Take blood pressure. Listen to baby’s heart. Prod. Poke. See you next time. Done.
So when my husband piped up with “I have a concern doctor...” I was a little taken aback. What concern? He wasn’t concerned enough to mention it to me before the appointment. “I’ve been reading about pregnant women getting high blood pressure,” he pondered. “What are we doing about that?” My eyes widened and froze. My doctor looked up from his note taking and looked at me then at my husband. “We take her blood pressure…..every time,” he groaned, before peering over his glasses back at me. ME. As if it was my question. “Oh. Yes….yes, yes, yes. Good. Good, good, good,” nodded my husband approvingly.
I couldn’t wait to get out of the office to hiss my derision at him. But before we could leave, his mobile went off in the reception area and the fossil on point duty at the front desk gave him a two minute lecture about mobiles and their deadly interference with medical equipment, just long enough for the doctor to come out to collect the smug couple of perfection waiting, and see us hanging our heads in shame.
So that’s how it rears its insidious little head. A first hint, followed closely by a second bite. You could almost palm it off as a glitch, or having a bad day. But you know it’s real and he’s Done a Dad if one or more of the following happen:
- Your baby’s just been born. Your husband proudly exclaims for all in the room to hear “It’s a boy!” Wrong. It’s a girl.
- You’ve just finished telling your girlfriends how good he is with the children, when he sprints past, keys in hand. “Gotta go back to the shops. Left the kids on the Big Red Car!”
- He agrees to bring the children to meet you at the airport. Your four year old daughter is dressed in her 2 year old brother’s pants, and your son is in his sister’s red poncho.
- You’re just taking your leave of the paediatrician when your husband settles back in his seat and starts talking about his medical history and how he hasn’t been feeling well lately, and does the paediatrician think he might have caught something while he was out getting his haircut last weekend?
So before any other mum, wife or partner is caught unawares by a dad Doing a Dad I’m off to put my listing of D.A.D on wikipedia. Does anyone know if you can upload photos?
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Thanks Mihiri. Top work Raj! I'll hopefully learn from your previous indiscretions!
Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts
Friday, January 23, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
I'll take the baby!
A break from Sydney was just what the doctor ordered (literally and figuratively). After our horror week last week it was nice to get in the car and get out of town for some down time. We could forget about shopping for baby stuff (both of us) , looking for a job (me), getting hit by a car (kos), and feel as though we didn't have a care in the world.
Out little trip down the South Coast was great. Long walks along the beach, romantic dinners, swimming, eating, cigar smoking (me that is - don't panic and Kos was asleep and I was outside with the door closed!) etcetera etcetera!
At one stage I was thinking negatively about my employment status (still nada) and Kos quickly turned to me and said "If you don't stay positive I'll take the baby away - I don't want to be hanging around a sad case."
From then of course I didn't have one negative thought about employment and we had a great weekend. From that moment onwards whenever each of us said or did anything stupid, silly or ridiculous that line would get replayed "...I'll take the baby away..."
You don't feel like swimming? "I'll take the baby away..."
If you want to stop at another winery... "I'll take the baby away"
I think you get the point...
but don't worry kids, nothing like a bit of family banter - our relationship is rock solid.
In light of my current employment status, I have completed some freelance writing work for some friends and relatives. Many of you would know that I have written for magazines for some time, and so, with all this TIME on my hands I will be pursuing more freelance work in the business communications sector to help pay the bills. If you haven't seen my site head over to http://www.inlumino.com.au/
If you or someone you know needs some writing work completed be sure to send them my way. And click on those ads! We have made $13.75 since this blog started...the more you click the more spare change we have to avoid the dole queue. Gracias senhores y senhoritas
Out little trip down the South Coast was great. Long walks along the beach, romantic dinners, swimming, eating, cigar smoking (me that is - don't panic and Kos was asleep and I was outside with the door closed!) etcetera etcetera!
At one stage I was thinking negatively about my employment status (still nada) and Kos quickly turned to me and said "If you don't stay positive I'll take the baby away - I don't want to be hanging around a sad case."
From then of course I didn't have one negative thought about employment and we had a great weekend. From that moment onwards whenever each of us said or did anything stupid, silly or ridiculous that line would get replayed "...I'll take the baby away..."
You don't feel like swimming? "I'll take the baby away..."
If you want to stop at another winery... "I'll take the baby away"
I think you get the point...
but don't worry kids, nothing like a bit of family banter - our relationship is rock solid.
In light of my current employment status, I have completed some freelance writing work for some friends and relatives. Many of you would know that I have written for magazines for some time, and so, with all this TIME on my hands I will be pursuing more freelance work in the business communications sector to help pay the bills. If you haven't seen my site head over to http://www.inlumino.com.au/
If you or someone you know needs some writing work completed be sure to send them my way. And click on those ads! We have made $13.75 since this blog started...the more you click the more spare change we have to avoid the dole queue. Gracias senhores y senhoritas
Monday, January 19, 2009
The Babymoon
- Bellachara Resort Gerringong -Quite a few hotels and resorts now advertise to expecting parents that their property is the best place have what is now known as a babymoon - time before the baby's arrival to rest, rejuvenate and have some time together before the imminent arrival. From research I have carried out a hefty price tag is attached which includes pamper packs, chocolates etc.... fine for some, but when you're on a budget I'll create my own pamper pack thank you very much.
We are off to Bellachara Resort near Gerringong (http://www.bellachara.com.au/) for two days of R n R. It is much needed. We both can't wait to get out of Sydney for some time to ourselves. That pool looks inviting!
While we're away: no blog postings obviously, but feel free to read through the first week of posts and click on those ads!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Keeping Mummy Yummy
One thing that all mothers will go through is the changing nature of their bodies. One thing all fathers will go through is hearing about these changes and ensuring that their partners stay in the right frame of mind.
Since wifey found out that she was expecting. she has steadily put on weight within the healthy weight range. Regardless of this, I constantly hear about how my wife is feeling fat and frumpy. This is not to say that she doesn't feel those things, however I, being the caring husband, have communicated with her on almost a daily basis that although she may feel this way, she shouldn't feel negatively about it - she is pregnant after all. If my wife had put on 8 kilos in such a short space of time and wasn't pregnant, then I'd be worried.
Despite the reassurance from me, it takes a while for the message to get through and despite acknowledging the fact that she is pregnant and is going to gain weight, she still complains about being uncomfortable.
I think that such a sudden change would have me feeling pretty concerned as well. Getting some exercise, eating healthily (not blaming poor diet choices on eating for 2 as is the common excuse) and ensuring that getting clothes that fit are all the order of the day. Who cares if clothes are two sizes larger than what you normally buy or you are buying maternity gear. At least you'll feel comfortable and not be wearing tight clothes. I remind Kos of this regularly.
Cravings: in these tough financial times we are improving Twisties' turnover and enjoying alot of carbs!
Keeping mummy yummy is not just about making sure mum stays healthy, but also maintaining positive self-esteem and staying in the right frame of mind. I on the other hand need to keep my food baby under control. I often eat for three!
Since wifey found out that she was expecting. she has steadily put on weight within the healthy weight range. Regardless of this, I constantly hear about how my wife is feeling fat and frumpy. This is not to say that she doesn't feel those things, however I, being the caring husband, have communicated with her on almost a daily basis that although she may feel this way, she shouldn't feel negatively about it - she is pregnant after all. If my wife had put on 8 kilos in such a short space of time and wasn't pregnant, then I'd be worried.
Despite the reassurance from me, it takes a while for the message to get through and despite acknowledging the fact that she is pregnant and is going to gain weight, she still complains about being uncomfortable.
I think that such a sudden change would have me feeling pretty concerned as well. Getting some exercise, eating healthily (not blaming poor diet choices on eating for 2 as is the common excuse) and ensuring that getting clothes that fit are all the order of the day. Who cares if clothes are two sizes larger than what you normally buy or you are buying maternity gear. At least you'll feel comfortable and not be wearing tight clothes. I remind Kos of this regularly.
Cravings: in these tough financial times we are improving Twisties' turnover and enjoying alot of carbs!
Keeping mummy yummy is not just about making sure mum stays healthy, but also maintaining positive self-esteem and staying in the right frame of mind. I on the other hand need to keep my food baby under control. I often eat for three!
Friday, January 16, 2009
The bump gets bumped
I coudn't make this stuff up if I tried!
I headed up to Crows Nest this morning to get a haircut and Kos joined me. While I was getting my Brad Pitt look worked on, she was going to have stroll around the shops. I had just sat in the chair and was getting my sides cleaned up when a gentlemen came in the hairdressers and said "I think I need to speak with this gentleman." - while pointing at me. He came up and said that Kos had stepped out in front of his car and he had bumped her but that she was ok. I jumped out of the seat, ripped the apron off and ran down the road to check on Kos.
She had a few scratches and was in a daze. Thankfully we were in Crows Nest and my ultimate wingman (Dr Tan) and his practice was just around the corner. We rushed up there and Dr Tan saw us immediately. A quick poke and prod and some ultrasound and heart-beat checks showed that the bub was ok, there was no internal damage, but that Kos better relax over the weekend. He told Kos to stay out of the way of any cars from now on. We are going back on Monday to follow-up and make sure all is ok.
I have never been more frantic in my life. From running out of the haridressers to getting to the medical centre it was stressful! I never thought I'd face a Daddy Dilemma as big as this so early on!
Kos is resting up and has no visible bruising - the driver was luckily just creeping along.
Family: don't get over-excited. Kos is fine and although you may be concerned she said that if I put this on the blog that we would geta thousand phone calls. All is ok! You can follow it up through the Pather/Spurr grapevine!
Meanwhile my melon will get the Brad Pitt look again this afternoon. Still gotta look good for whatever dilemma comes up!
I headed up to Crows Nest this morning to get a haircut and Kos joined me. While I was getting my Brad Pitt look worked on, she was going to have stroll around the shops. I had just sat in the chair and was getting my sides cleaned up when a gentlemen came in the hairdressers and said "I think I need to speak with this gentleman." - while pointing at me. He came up and said that Kos had stepped out in front of his car and he had bumped her but that she was ok. I jumped out of the seat, ripped the apron off and ran down the road to check on Kos.
She had a few scratches and was in a daze. Thankfully we were in Crows Nest and my ultimate wingman (Dr Tan) and his practice was just around the corner. We rushed up there and Dr Tan saw us immediately. A quick poke and prod and some ultrasound and heart-beat checks showed that the bub was ok, there was no internal damage, but that Kos better relax over the weekend. He told Kos to stay out of the way of any cars from now on. We are going back on Monday to follow-up and make sure all is ok.
I have never been more frantic in my life. From running out of the haridressers to getting to the medical centre it was stressful! I never thought I'd face a Daddy Dilemma as big as this so early on!
Kos is resting up and has no visible bruising - the driver was luckily just creeping along.
Family: don't get over-excited. Kos is fine and although you may be concerned she said that if I put this on the blog that we would geta thousand phone calls. All is ok! You can follow it up through the Pather/Spurr grapevine!
Meanwhile my melon will get the Brad Pitt look again this afternoon. Still gotta look good for whatever dilemma comes up!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
The Perfect Wingman
After discovering that my wife was pregnant, the first process to complete was to find an obstetrician. As we have been pouring money into HCF for some time now, the decision to go private and use that investment was made (more on public vs private later). Once the decision was made we contacted the Mater Hospital in North Sydney who put us in touch with Dr Steven Tan. He came highly recommended and even the receptionist praised his work as we were handing over details during our first visit.
Information we would only find out later would make our accidental choice all the more reassuring. Dr Tan had been through hell and back and still managed to deliver a baby.
Back in early 2007, Dr Tan was on the way to deliver at the Mater, when carjackers approached, grabbed him, threw him in the boot of the car and sped off. They eventually stopped and got out, but not before setting the car alight with Doc still in the boot! With smoke pouring into the boot, Dr Tan heard the boot click open and didn't think twice about jumping out.
That same day he later went on to deliver a few babies!
I'm reminded of that classic film Top Gun. Maverick gets called up to fly into a dogfight. After landing back on the carrier safely, his nemesis IceMan comes up and states that Maverick can be his Wingman anytime. Maverick replys 'bull... you can be mine."
I'll be happy to be Dr Tan's wingman in the delivery room.
We are off for another check up with the famous Dr Tan today. Results posted later.
What you can do in the mean time:
VOTE: Change we can believe in? Maybe not, but vote in our poll on the left. Share your thoughts on the cost of having a baby. More polls will be created over time.
CLICK: it costs you nothing to click on the ads and the spare change is helpful! Thanks!
Don't believe the story I have just told? Check out http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/doctors-early-morning-carjack-nightmare/2007/03/19/1174152972158.html?page=fullpage
Information we would only find out later would make our accidental choice all the more reassuring. Dr Tan had been through hell and back and still managed to deliver a baby.
Back in early 2007, Dr Tan was on the way to deliver at the Mater, when carjackers approached, grabbed him, threw him in the boot of the car and sped off. They eventually stopped and got out, but not before setting the car alight with Doc still in the boot! With smoke pouring into the boot, Dr Tan heard the boot click open and didn't think twice about jumping out.
That same day he later went on to deliver a few babies!
I'm reminded of that classic film Top Gun. Maverick gets called up to fly into a dogfight. After landing back on the carrier safely, his nemesis IceMan comes up and states that Maverick can be his Wingman anytime. Maverick replys 'bull... you can be mine."
I'll be happy to be Dr Tan's wingman in the delivery room.
We are off for another check up with the famous Dr Tan today. Results posted later.
What you can do in the mean time:
VOTE: Change we can believe in? Maybe not, but vote in our poll on the left. Share your thoughts on the cost of having a baby. More polls will be created over time.
CLICK: it costs you nothing to click on the ads and the spare change is helpful! Thanks!
Don't believe the story I have just told? Check out http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/doctors-early-morning-carjack-nightmare/2007/03/19/1174152972158.html?page=fullpage
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Shock and Awe
I felt the baby move for the first time last night!
Kos has obviously felt the baby move alot than me, but everytime she did feel it move, I would run over, place my hand on her bump and wait...and wait....and wait...but nada..nothing. So last night when I felt my unborn child's kickboxing skills it made the preganancy all the more real (even after our first ultrasound: refer to my previous post).
I have gone through (just as many other fathers have and will) a variety of emotions since finding out that we are expecting. From jubilation that my junk works (nasty topic, but hey good for the male ego!) to excitement at the prospect of having a junior Sam n Kos with us in May. Another emotion I have also experienced lately is one of being utterly freaked out. 'Scared' is not a good enough descriptor!
I wake up sometimes realising that in three and a half short months I'll be responsible for a baby. Food and clothes are the easy part. The doubt of your ability to be a father creeps in and the amount of stuff we have to get organised before the arrival of the bub can sometimes make you want to jump back into bed and awake from the nightmare!
They say women's emotions fluctuate wildly during pregnancy, but I think men's thoughts and feelings need to be acknowledged as well. It is a roller coaster ride for both parents and a huge lifestyle shift for all parties involved.
Don't get me wrong, freaking out occurs, but thankfully not as often as the happiness experienced on the journey so far, so let me get back to feeling those punches and kicks and enjoy the wonder of expecting a child!
Kos has obviously felt the baby move alot than me, but everytime she did feel it move, I would run over, place my hand on her bump and wait...and wait....and wait...but nada..nothing. So last night when I felt my unborn child's kickboxing skills it made the preganancy all the more real (even after our first ultrasound: refer to my previous post).
I have gone through (just as many other fathers have and will) a variety of emotions since finding out that we are expecting. From jubilation that my junk works (nasty topic, but hey good for the male ego!) to excitement at the prospect of having a junior Sam n Kos with us in May. Another emotion I have also experienced lately is one of being utterly freaked out. 'Scared' is not a good enough descriptor!
I wake up sometimes realising that in three and a half short months I'll be responsible for a baby. Food and clothes are the easy part. The doubt of your ability to be a father creeps in and the amount of stuff we have to get organised before the arrival of the bub can sometimes make you want to jump back into bed and awake from the nightmare!
They say women's emotions fluctuate wildly during pregnancy, but I think men's thoughts and feelings need to be acknowledged as well. It is a roller coaster ride for both parents and a huge lifestyle shift for all parties involved.
Don't get me wrong, freaking out occurs, but thankfully not as often as the happiness experienced on the journey so far, so let me get back to feeling those punches and kicks and enjoy the wonder of expecting a child!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
The $300 baby book
Despite the costs it was all worth it...The cost of having a baby is one thing that will be repeatedly touched on in this blog. I'm sure once the baby arrives the costs will be long forgotten, but until then, I can't believe how much it costs to have a baby and all the extra services you have to get. This baby isn't even born yet and all I seem to be doing is whipping out the credit card - no wonder people are having fewer kids!
Our first ultrasound was momentous. Kos knew she was pregnant and could feel her body changing - boobs getting bigger (no problem here), hips widening slightly (Beyonce anyone?) but besides these things, for a bloke it seemed that I had to go on face value that she was pregnant. The first ultrasound was great. For the first time I could identify that there was a baby growing inside! Hearing the heartbeat (always a good thing) and having the baby's arms, head, legs etc pointed out to you is a great experience. It really is the first time it hits you that there is a baby there.
This first scan was to make sure everything was going well (which it was) and do a transnuchal (sp) test to see what the risks were of any abormalities. I had paid my $300 for the ultrasound but we had to hang around for 5 minutes -after the scan we were required to visit with the nurse who would go through the results. Everything was in good order. There was a one in 5000 chance of something being amiss which was a good reading.
The classic moment came as the nurse had concluded her presentation - she gave us a showbag of baby supplies (sponsored stuff of course) and then she went to her bookcase, pulled down a book which looked like it had been picked up at the $5 bargain bin down the road, handed it to us and said "Here is your free book to track your baby's development." We already had 3 of these types of books, but I felt like saying "Hey - that book isn't free, we just paid $300 - don't tell me that book is free!" Unbelievable...you've given us a 20 minute scan and a 5 minute debrief, but don't say the book is free!
At least I thought we would get most of it back from Medicare or from HCF - after all we had been paying $70 a fortnight for the past 4 years without any major claims.
Medicare rebate on Ultrasound was $80. Despite all the costs that first image of our child is priceless!
Monday, January 12, 2009
Fun with Sam n Kos
It was the most exciting time for my wife and I. We learnt that my wife was pregnant (after trying for some time) in September 2008 and we were looking foward to having a baby. I didn't have a care in the world. Work was great, our social life was great, and we had just returned from a weekend up the coast to celebrate my grandmother's 85th birthday.
On the workfront the team I was a member of was going through some structural changes but I was told not to jump onto any career websites as there wasn't a threat to my position...or so I thought.
On November 14th I got the phone call that makes you take a deep breath. The CFO called me up to his office. I knew that either I was joining a new team or - well I didn't even want to think about the other option. Unfortunately it was the other - after 18 months of service, my position was made redundant. I was given a nice sum to tide me over, however one part of my perfect world came crashing down overnight. Expecting a baby, whilst having a decent paying job is one thing. Expecting a baby without one is a completely different thing!
Welcome to Daddy Dilemmas, a blog I have created to shed some light on the practical aspects of expecting a baby from a father to be's point of view. There is plenty of info out there that is female friendly, however I'm sure I can present practical tips for dads to be.
Throughout this blog I'll be typing away about my experiences looking for work, the doubts, dramas and dilemmas of having a baby from my position, and all the other life stuff that makes getting up in the morning a pain in the neck sometimes.
Welcome to Daddy Dillemas - 'The Journey is the Thing'.
On the workfront the team I was a member of was going through some structural changes but I was told not to jump onto any career websites as there wasn't a threat to my position...or so I thought.
On November 14th I got the phone call that makes you take a deep breath. The CFO called me up to his office. I knew that either I was joining a new team or - well I didn't even want to think about the other option. Unfortunately it was the other - after 18 months of service, my position was made redundant. I was given a nice sum to tide me over, however one part of my perfect world came crashing down overnight. Expecting a baby, whilst having a decent paying job is one thing. Expecting a baby without one is a completely different thing!
Welcome to Daddy Dilemmas, a blog I have created to shed some light on the practical aspects of expecting a baby from a father to be's point of view. There is plenty of info out there that is female friendly, however I'm sure I can present practical tips for dads to be.
Throughout this blog I'll be typing away about my experiences looking for work, the doubts, dramas and dilemmas of having a baby from my position, and all the other life stuff that makes getting up in the morning a pain in the neck sometimes.
Welcome to Daddy Dillemas - 'The Journey is the Thing'.
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